I’ve come up with a list of reasons why people gossip. Here’s what I have so far:

1. Gossiping makes you feel better;
2. Gossiping about other people takes attention away from what is wrong with your own life;
3. Gossiping helps people bond (temporarily);
4. Gossiping makes you feel powerful;
5. Gossiping turns a boring conversation into something interesting which gives you attention for the time being;
6. Gossiping makes you feel better about decisions you’ve made and are trying to justify them to yourself;
7. Gossiping about others gives you a sense of superiority….

That’s what I’ve come up with so far, but I think we can actually add to that list.

Brown Aunties and Gossip

Now this brings me to a topic which I am sure has affected a lot of people. Brown aunties gossiping. Why the heck do these aunties do it? Don’t they have something better to do with their time? Well, the answer to that is simply “no, they don’t”.

A lot of the time brown aunties will talk about other people’s kids by making defamatory comments etc. The only thing they are doing is trying to make themselves feel better about their own children’s “deviant” behaviour. (That’s a whole other topic in itself). Gossiping gives them a sense of security in trying to protect their own “reputations”. I bet lots of you have encountered this. It can start with these mean aunties talking about people and saying things like, “I saw their kid at the mall and he/she was sitting in the food court with a bunch of kids”. Then they go further and state, “I would never let my kid do that.” So the gossiping goes on. This is a relatively simple example, which lots of brown kids have encountered.

So if we take the list above and try to put it in this context, we can see why these aunties may pull crap like this (and worse). The whole idea of making yourself feel better by putting down someone else comes into play here. Especially from a cultural perspective, “respect” is something that is held in high esteem. By gossiping, a lot of people think they are maintaining some sort of warped sense of respect by putting down others to confirm to themselves that they are better somehow.

I have more thoughts on this topic, and I’ll write more eventually, but that’s it on gossiping for now.

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It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged on the site. If anyone has any suggestions for desigupshup feel free to give us a shout!  Since I tend to be the sports writer I’ll get everyone in on the latest scoop that’s taken the whole cricketing fraternity by shock. Recently there was a terrorist attack in Lahore, Pakistan where the 3rd day’s play of the 2nd test match in a series of 2 was about to begin. The terrorists targeted the Sir Lankan cricket team and the attack was carried out somewhat successfully. A lot of the grenades thrown did not actually blow up, but several players, personnel and officials were injured. Injuries varied from just pieces of shrapnel to bullet wounds in the leg and chest. The driver carrying the officials died and one umpire was shot.

It was Team Pakistan’s luck that on this particular day their bus left 5 minutes later rather than together like they usually do or it might have been worse. I would say that this could be this a mere coincidence as luck was on their side that day. However let’s just quickly look at the trend from the past summer onwards in terms of security rated by the words of the Sri Lankan team personnel. The Asia Cup was held in Pakistan in the summer of ‘08 – great. The Sri Lankan team came for 3 ODIs in January – great (and this a direct result of India cancelling their series with us for security reasons after the Mumbai blasts). The 1st test of this series in Karachi – great. However when they came to Lahore, the security was quite different. So different that our own Imran Khan said and I quote: “The security provided to the Sri Lankan team was ten times less than what is given to interior ministry adviser Rehman Malik”

These are the facts and I am not going to be criticising anyone or anything here. What’s clear is that simply Pakistan messed it up. Why, we don’t know. However because of this little mishap no country will be visiting Pakistan for nearly 1-3 years potentially and that is if things get better. The people as always have been the ones to lose and no one else. The terrorists got their attention and they don’t even deserve it. Other security issues from back when Benazir was assassinated and onwards have resulted in Pakistan losing the Champions Trophy already, something that would have done Pakistan wonders on the world stage and financially.

So on a lighter side, I feel the there are a few music artists who are trying their best to try and do something about this. I will take Shehzad Roy’s example here. In his newest album: Qismat Apnay Haath Main, it is an album meant for the masses and youth love in Pakistan. He has released three videos so far, the first being Laga Reh – a very thought provoking song, second was Ek Baar – one of the love ballads in the album, Zindagi ft. Abida Perveen – beautiful music and video, was released long before the album as a special feature for Zindagi Trust (his philanthropic organization), and the newest one was for the title song Qismat Apnay Haath Main – very well written. I might also add that Shehzad Roy has penned the lyrics for nearly all the songs himself. This is the one I would like to showcase today! I would encourage all readers to see all the other videos I have mentioned here, as I’m sure you will like them like I did.

It really makes you think doesn’t it!

I’ll write back soon…Hassaan.

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Not to slight arranged marriage at all for those people who are happy and enjoying their lives. Marriage is a gamble, be it ‘arranged’ or ‘love’ (as us brown people like to call it). But why hide a love marriage and pretend it’s arranged? I don’t see the point in that. Most people don’t like to carry the torch and break new ground, but what is the point in marrying someone of your own choice and then pretending it is an arranged marriage? The shame, fear, and stigma of being labeled ‘bad’ or ‘of questionable character’ is still holding a lot of young people hostage. What exactly is the crime here?

Just some food for thought. I would honestly like to know how people feel about this. Why is that fear of other people so strong, that people guide their behaviour according to it? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Thought I’d throw that out there and get into the topic in further detail at a later time. It’s just interesting to think about. Some people just like to say ‘oh i don’t care about other people’ but their actions don’t support their statements. I wonder why that is…? Let’s think about it, shall we?

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I think every family and every person has a different definition of what classifies abuse. This is largely related to the degree of discipline or abuse they have experienced in their own lives. But this can be very dangerous because what if you come from a family in which violence is a regular/normal thing then you may think it is a part of life? Scary thought. The smack on the buttocks is not just ended there, but instead is a ongoing and violent beating…very scary.

Since we are talking about this in a desi context, do you think it is taken as a ‘normal’ thing to slap your child in desi culture? Why?

What is violence about? It is about gaining control. If you can wrap your brain around that, then a lot of questions will be answered. If a child is bad, and you hit that child, what is being achieved in your mind? You are essentially trying to discipline that child into obedience. But what is the trade-off? You are nurturing a human being that thinks being pushed around is okay, and who will eventually be scared to stand up for themselves later in life in the face of dangerous/abusive situations.

Lets think about these things and share some thoughts. What is your opinion?

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The story is about Chand, played by Preity Zinta, who immigrates to Canada to marry Rocky in an arranged marriage. Although Rocky’s parents are the ones who selected Chand, Rocky’s mother is worried that she is losing control over her son, and uses guilt and provocation to retain perceived control over her son.

Chand is thrust into a world of violence and hardship. She escapes into her own imagination to deal with the suffering and pain. She is surrounded by people, including her own family, that only care about their own benefit. At her inlaws home, everyone is part of the cycle of violence, control, and guilt which makes everyone think that this is just a normal part of life.

Heaven on Earth is a beautiful, yet painful story that is a reflection of what is happening in the immigrant desi community in the GTA.  It is definitely worth watching, but be prepared to be disturbed by what you see.  Deepa Mehta hits the nail on the head and paints a very accurate and true picture with Heaven on Earth. It is truly a magnificent film, and is a real eye opener for every one of us.

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Sometimes, people will be sitting with their hat or a cup extended out, asking for change. People walk by and every now and then I hear the occasional “why don’t they just get a job” from people passing by. Well, if it were that easy to get a job, have a nice little place to live that was warm in the winter and cool in the summer, wouldn’t that be great?

But the reality is that we do have poverty in Toronto. Yes, we do. It is also in the GTA and guess what…it’s all over Canada! Shocked? Really now, you didn’t think that just because you might not see poverty smack in front of your face that it didn’t exist?! Well, if you’re one of those people then I guess the lawmakers and corporations have succeeded in convincing people that poverty is not a major issue in Canada. Heck, they would love to have you think it doesn’t even exist! I must say they are darn good at it, because so many people these days have an “I don’t care about anyone except myself” attitude that it is getting easier to make everyone live in their own bubble, oblivious to what is going on around them.

Here begins the project to hiding homelessness. What…? Hiding homelessness? Poverty? What does all of this mean? In a ‘developed country’ we love to think that these problems don’t exist. They do exist. Yes, right here, in our very own city and throughout the rest of our country.

I must have shocked a few of you. This might be a bit difficult for some people to swallow. No, I am not being sarcastic. Seriously. But what was the point of writing this blog post giving a mention to homeless people and poverty?

Well for starters, I didn’t want to shock you with the bare facts right away about the socio-economic conditions of the poor in Canada. That might make your heart sink or put you in denial.

How does this blog post make you feel? What do you think about poverty and the homeless in Canada? How do you feel when you see a person sleeping on the street? Let’s start with that…just think about how it makes you feel. Do you feel bad, good, or indifferent? Why do you feel whatever particular way you do?

I’ll post more on a later date, and slowly start broaching the issues of poverty and homelessness, but for now I just wanted to open up the topic so we can all start thinking about it.

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We have established in earlier posts that the white/black dichotomy traces its roots back to colonialism and the justification of the supposed ’superiority’ of white over black. Now we know that this is NOT true, but it is interesting to note that previous colonies, such as India and Pakistan (because I am focusing on the South Asian context) have adopted these ideologies.

It is a generally accepted that if a girl is fair skinned, she will get better marriage proposals as her skin colour will be the dominant reason for the proposal. Yes, it still happens. You might argue that things have changed, but at the core these issues still exist.

Dark skin is looked upon as ‘vampy’, and this idea is propagated in Bollywood and Lollywood films. The fair girl is portrayed as ’sweet and innocent’, thus automatically creating a link between skin colour and perceived characteristics. The dark skinned woman is portrayed as promiscuous, forward, bold, and independent. The fair skinned woman is portrayed as demure, homely, sweet, and dependant.

Take the example of Bipasha Basu, a successful Bollywood actress. Bipasha is dark skinned and is a very beautiful woman. Unfortunately, her most successful ventures have been those where she has portrayed the stereotypical dark skinned, highly sexualized woman.

Whenever Bipasha plays a ‘positive’ role, they always try to make her look fairer with brighter lights and makeup. What is the need to do that? She is beautiful as she is. Why do we look upon dark skin with such negativity?

On the other hand, you have a relatively popular actresses Amrita Rao who’s last hit movie “Vivah” had her portraying a shy, sweet, fair, and innocent woman. Those traits that were propagated made her character so endearing that a famous Indian painter decided she would be his next muse.

Why are we, in the South Asian culture, hanging on to these ideas and actually magnifying them? Are desi people so into Western ideologies that they would adopt such a racialized ideology? Or do we like aping western culture and it really doesn’t have any meaning attached to it…is it just a movie? If it’s more than that, then why are we adhering to the white/black dichotomy, and assigning specific traits according to skin colour?

I’m just scratching the surface with this post. More to follow.

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Films can have a lot of frightening or inappropriate scenes for young viewing eyes. Movies have a rating for a reason! Common sense might go a long way as well…use it.

Whenever I go to see a Bollywood film at the local desi cinema, it astounds me at the number of young children are at films that are inappropriate for impressionable eyes. On top of that, if the kids are not glued watching the screen, parents seem to think it is okay to give their kids a free reign of the theatre so that they can disturb other people. Kids are tearing down the aisles running back and forth, and creating an additional soundtrack to the movie.

It is not okay to bring kids to the theatre if the movie is not appropriate. If the movie is appropriate then parents should be prepared take care of their children and not let them create havoc in the theatre. But thinking rationally, do parents out there really think it is reasonable to take kids to a 3 hour Bollywood movie?

Here are a few points desi parents should keep in mind:

1. Make sure the movie is suitable for young eyes. If not, hire a baby sitter and go and watch the film yourselves. You cannot take your children to movies that have violence and explicit scenes;
2. If the movie is appropriate then check the length of the film to make sure your kids will be able to sit through it comfortably; and
3. Respect that other people are in the theater to enjoy the movie.

At the end of the day, it is your kids that will suffer if you take them to an inappropriate movie. Young kids are impressionable and if you deliberately expose them to films that are not for their age group, then that is being very irresponsible.

Think about it.

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1. Why do people gossip? Why do people gossip? I never really came up with...

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The most dreaded relationship is that of saas bahu (mother-in-law and daughter-in-law). It’s one relation that is super hyped in movies, television serials, and real life. Why is it that in desi culture we love to demonize this relationship? Is it doomed from the start, or is there a chance for it to be healthy and mutually loving?

There are plenty of examples of good relationships between married couples and their in-laws. But on the other hand, there are way more examples of in-laws interfering in their kids lives. Also, mother-in-laws seem to take it personally if their son and his wife decide to move out. Nasty games and battles pursue which can lead to very hurtful results. Mean and horrible words are said. Why is that? Do we have a major control issue in desi culture?

Here are a few examples I’ve come across recently:

1. A woman’s husband cheated on her, and she went to her in-laws for support. Her in-laws told her it was her fault because she and their son moved out of the parents house. They said their son’s behaviour was her fault because she took him away from them. Also, they said that she did not do enough paat (Sikh prayer) and God was punishing her;
2. A woman miscarried and instead of support and love, her in-laws and husband said that because she didn’t wear a hijaab (Muslim head covering) she was experiencing difficulties;
3. A woman decided not to wear her mangalsutra (necklace for married Hindu women) to work, and her in-laws said she was trying to attract other men; and
4. A Man wanted to move out with his wife into their own house, and his parents accused him of not taking care of them in their old age and for abandoning and not loving them (parents are in their 50’s and the man is in his late 20’s).

These are disturbing things that are happening. So it’s not just a figment of some peoples imaginations – it does happen. But the question is why are there so many expectations on placed on children in the desi culture? (Similar problems exist in Asian and Eastern European cultures as well).

I’m sure that those of you that are married can add to this list, and those of you who are not probably have heard a lot of stuff from your friends and the people around you. Not all people experience this, but it does happen.

Do you think that desi couples are exposed to more than their fair share of in-law problems? Or do you think it’s just over hyped and not really an issue?

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Sometimes we need to talk about difficult things in order to get to a point where we are able to start asking tough questions. As we start asking questions, identifying core issues becomes the next challenge. Once that hurdle is crossed, can we do something constructive about it?

An example of taking the focus away from the real issue is the murder of Reena Virk. The murder of Reena Virk was horrific event.

The beating and subsequent murder of the young teen is detailed as:

On November 14, 1997, seven girls (aged fourteen to sixteen years) and one sixteen-year-old boy brutally attacked Reena Virk, a young girl of South Asian origin, in a suburb of Victoria, B.C. As Reena left the scene of the beating to make her way home, she was followed by two members of the group – Kelly Ellard and Warren Glowatski…Kelly then proceed to beat her up again, smashing her head against a tree trunk to the point where Reena was rendered unconscious…Kelly hit Reena in the throat again and forcibly drowned her…Ellard stood in the water with her foot over Reena’s head and smoked a cigarette. (Faith & Jiwani 99)

Intense media coverage was about how violence among girls and young women was increasing, even though statistically this was not the case. However, public outrage was not about how this may have been an act of racism. Rather, media scrutiny focused on how it could be possible that such a nice looking; apparently ‘normal’ girl could have actually committed this heinous crime.

The media actually tried to explain the event using the theoretical background of the liberation thesis put forth by Rita Simon (1975) and Freda Adler (1975). “The thesis suggests that changes in women’s gender roles will be reflected in their rates of criminal involvement.” (Comack 172) The explanation of the crime was that because women were now equal, they were also being more assertive and masculine. Therefore, according to this particular theory, they were becoming more aggressive and were able to commit crimes that were similar to their male counterparts. The media did not touch upon the context in which this crime was committed.

Virk was from a marginalized background and was trying to fit in. It was left out of the discussion that Ellard was a white female and that there may have been an element of racism involved because the victim was from a minority group. In effect, the crime was decontextualized in order to detract from the real issues. The discussion was centered on what should be done about girls’ violence, as opposed to addressing the systemic discrimination embedded in society that manifests itself in targeting minority groups.

The main issue is that the media decontextualize crime. Crimes are always, by the very nature of newspaper reporting, discussed out of context. A journalist provides information or details about the crime event in a manner that generates a number of emotions-fear, moral outrage, despair, panic, and hatred-emotions all directed from readers towards the vulnerable in society (Schissel 1997: 34, 37). As such, media discourse is extremely powerful in promoting and reinforcing a sense that the only thing that can be done about girls’ violence is to implement punitive repressive measures. (Bell 131)

The only result of the media reporting of the Virk murder was a call to toughen laws for young offenders. By focusing on violent female crime, the media is able to detract attention away from social and economic factors that cause women to commit crimes. There was no attempt made to address the systemic and also invisible forms of racism that lead people from dominant groups to commit crimes against people from minority groups. Media condemnation of the murder was very restricted.

We can see that because of this approach, prescribed norms of femininity are being forcefully upheld by a system that advances patriarchy. Even though women have achieved formal equality, they are still treated unequally in the public realm because of their prescribed roles in the private realm. By focusing on the individual pathology of Kelly Ellard, the actually crime was successfully decontextualized and the focus was put on assessing how girls and women are becoming more violent. Essentially the call to tough laws to be more punitive is a mechanism to keep women in their prescribed roles and the criminal justice system contributes to the preservation of this.

We can sit back and independently get upset or even ignore these issues, but what good will that do? Constructive discussion needs to occur. Some people think that these are negative topics and it is pointless talking about them. Until we don’t admit there is a problem, and then work towards fixing it, nothing can be done.

Also, the point is not to rant and rave that everyone is racist, because that is not the case. But to ignore that racism exists, and not talk about it, makes the problem worse. It becomes easier to take the focus away from the core issues, and eventually we forget that something is systemically wrong, and start blaming individuals.

But this is not the only problem, so what are some of the core issues? Poverty, inequality, systemic barriers, racism, fear of the other, gender roles, decontextualized news reporting…just to name a few. These are all real issues that need to be addressed.

Resources:

Bell, Sandra J. “Girls in Trouble” Marginality and Condemnation: An Introduction to Critical Criminology. Black Point: Fernwood Publishing, 2002. 129-152.

Comack, Elizabeth, Edited by Balfour, Gillian. “Criminalizing Women.” Halifax: Fernwood Publishing, 2006.

Comack, Elizabeth. “Feminism and Criminology” Criminology a Canadian Perspective. 5th ed. Toronto: Thompson Canada, 2004. 165-195.

Faith, Karlene and Jiwani, Yasmin. “The Social Construction of ‘Dangerous’ Girls and Women”

Marginality and Condemnation: An Introduction to Critical Criminology. Black Point: Fernwood Publishing, 2002. 83-107.

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