Free Will & Shame in Desi Marriage: The Contradictory Roller Coaster
I was at a dinner party last night, and engaged in some interesting topics that were being discussed. I think that our generation is still a bit scared to talk about desi issues that bother them pertaining to marriage, religion, culture…etc. The concept of ’shame’ still puts fear into people, despite the fact that they are moving towards doing things that they want to do, like marrying the person of their own choice rather then having a spouse chosen for them.
Not to slight arranged marriage at all for those people who are happy and enjoying their lives. Marriage is a gamble, be it ‘arranged’ or ‘love’ (as us brown people like to call it). But why hide a love marriage and pretend it’s arranged? I don’t see the point in that. Most people don’t like to carry the torch and break new ground, but what is the point in marrying someone of your own choice and then pretending it is an arranged marriage? The shame, fear, and stigma of being labeled ‘bad’ or ‘of questionable character’ is still holding a lot of young people hostage. What exactly is the crime here?
Just some food for thought. I would honestly like to know how people feel about this. Why is that fear of other people so strong, that people guide their behaviour according to it? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Thought I’d throw that out there and get into the topic in further detail at a later time. It’s just interesting to think about. Some people just like to say ‘oh i don’t care about other people’ but their actions don’t support their statements. I wonder why that is…? Let’s think about it, shall we?
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For the people who don’t care, it’s really tough to support their statements unless they can handle the ripple effect of their actions. The fact that you’ll be looked upon and talked about negatively may hurt, but it’s a small price to pay for everyone to know that this marriage was of it’s own accord.
Unfortunately I think the crime here is that most people assume they have gone against their parents wishes or have forcefully got their parents to agree and it is because of this they are labelled as a negative example. Then there’s the problem that people won’t even believe you if you tell them my parents were happy or they themselves tell you I was happy as a parent for my son or daughter in their choice.