Comments on: Monster-in-Laws

By: Yumna

Yumna — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 03:04:39 +0000

Interesting observations and stories! It is interesting, but sad, how the cycle continues. There are some people out there that are trying to change and are setting positive examples…I hope we get more of those.

By: Rihana

Rihana — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:31:04 +0000

I knew one person who was from Pakistan and fell in love with an Italian. So his parents were supposedly very happy. They invited her to stay with them for a few days just to share their culture with her.
Guy thought his parents were the best and the most open minded parents in this whole wide world!!!
When he was gone to work, his mother started showing his Italian girlfriend Indian movies. Not just any Indian movies but the ones where the daughter-in-laws were being set on fire. When the Italian girlfriend asked why this was, she was told by the mother that this was the way their culture was. If the daughter-in-law did anything wrong, she was set on fire.
Over and over she was shown more movies like this and eventually she just packed everything and ran like mad!!
Didn’t even say good bye to her boyfriend, just ran out of their house. She supposedly didn’t want to get married into such a culture where it was ok to set their daughter-in-laws on fire.
Talk about being closed minded!!
Gotta hand it to the mother though!! Amazing! So much creativity! If only she used her talents for good instead of evil!

By: Hassaan Q.

Hassaan Q. — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:52:03 +0000

It’s quite unfortunate that this happens.
I think that if couples who honestly loved each other just remember that they need to be able to keep their spouse and parents happy, there wouldn’t as much tension. A fairytale land perhaps, however I’d hope not!
I think if the couple has a strong love stemmed from the beginning, a guy can probably tell if something is going wrong…

By: MS CUTE PANTS

MS CUTE PANTS — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 05:12:20 +0000

True it is of culture…but I wish people would take a page from literature and begin to incorporate into their thinking.

I remember while growing up in India how it was common knowledge that mother in laws were deigned and destined to not like their daughter in laws. Countless TV shows featured these relationships, some even depicting how daughter in laws were set on fire, left to burn, when something was not to the inlaws satisfaction or when the promised dowry did not show. I’m sure these things happened in some parts of India, that it made it into the regional shows…very sad really. But I guess it really stuck in my mind after all these years…

By: Yumna

Yumna — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:16:31 +0000

Rihana: I agree with your point about guilt being a dominant method to control children. You are right on the ball with that observation.

I’m glad to hear that your friend was able to make the right choice and finally saw what his mom was doing. It’s a clear example of control because he broke up with his girlfriend, had an arranged marriage per his mom’s choice, and then the mom couldn’t deal with the fact that he was taking care of his wife….classic.

Ms. Cute Pants: I thought you knew! I started a group on FB for it. Thanks for tuning in.

Interesting that you pointed out that the onus is on the son. It would be good if guys realized (like the one Rihana mentioned in the example above), when the situation is getting dangerous.

As far as what the Bible says, or any other religious text for that matter such as the Quran, Gita, Torah, Guru Granth Sahib, etc., they all have similar messages regarding taking care of your family.

But the main issue here is of culture and within desi’s or south asians that is the common denominator.

By: MS CUTE PANTS

MS CUTE PANTS — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:09:41 +0000

First of all I had no idea you had a blog. )

I think that it’s just not the mother in laws but the family in it’s entirety. They always say you can choose your friends but never you own family and so while you choose your spouse, you have no choice of the family that comes along with him.

Many mothers (both the East & the West) have problems dealing with their sons getting married to someone who is not of their choice. I believe the onus is on the SON in question, to put his foot down and support his wife when the in laws begin to run inteference, or situations turn into something horrible.

Cuba for example has the highest divorce rate in all the world. For one thing because of the housing crisis (shortage), many married couples tend to stay with their inlaws. And anyone knows that there can never be two Ladies ruling the house. In most cases, the couple ends up getting divorced.

And I finally leave with these 2 points that all cultures should keep in mind:

The Bible clearly states that when a man is married he leaves his parents and goes on to make a life with his wife. (I’m paraphrasing here).

And the saying: My son is my son until he takes a wife,
but my daughter is my daughter for all the days of my life.

By: Rihana

Rihana — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 03:14:30 +0000

Our desi culture is driven by guilt. There are only a counted few families that do not use guilt to control their children.
I know one person who broke up with his long time girlfriend to please his widowed mother. He married a girl of his mother’s choice. As perfect an arranged marriage as there ever was one.
But when the son finally started falling in love with his wife (that was of his mother’s choice by the way) and treating her nice, the mother got really jealous. She started interferring in her son’s life, bad mouthing her daughter-in-law, started accusing her of stealing and manipulating her son and so on.
Eventually the son and the wife moved out because the son saw what was happening and decided to take his wife’s side (or the side of the truth) and they’re still living happily.
Amazing!! Good to know that there are still men like these around though and not everyone’s a mama’s boy